I have yet to be called Polly Positivity to my face, but I will admit I might come off as that way. I do try everyday to have a good attitude, and pass it on. But I’ll let you all in on a little secret. In my real day to day life it is not all rainbows and sunshine.
In my real life it can be Ferris wheels and adventures, as I might of mentioned. I CHOOSE to see those, to do those. I could also CHOOSE to sit at home and cry and worry and sit frozen. Because you see,
Also in my real life,
I have bad days,
As I might of mentioned. (that little word display was a shout out to a fellow blogger, btw! Love that 9A)
- Right now, I can’t even pay my rent. I haven’t been able to right for months. I’m doing everything under the sun to dodge the Landlord but everyday it feels like its all going to fall down any minute.
- I’m short a job. (I just picked another up though, and now have 3 jobs currently but its still not enough hours. At one time I had 5, because since the economy crash in 2008 I haven’t had 1 single full time job. It worked out great until I lost one of them. I was a caregiver for a diabetic with limited mobility and she ended up getting breast cancer. She has since required care I cannot provide so I stepped down.)
- In my efforts to find work, me, Ms. know-it-all who yells at my folks when they answer these unknown calls, was scammed. I do legitimate Mystery shopping, and was caught by someone posing as one and before I even blinked was robbed of 900.00 I don’t even have. My checking account is in the negative as I type. Its bad.
- My electric and gas will get shut off soon if I don’t pay them something.
- I’m still very caught in a gaping wound in my heart. I get angry about that regularly because its not going away. Alcohol is not helping. This and #6 are also intertwined and combined. Its messed up.
- I’m not running enough. I’m afraid I’m not going to be ready for the marathon. I’m really, really, afraid of that. Alcohol is also not helping.
- My sons have pain in their lives– a lot of it. But they do their best to keep me out of it. That’s kind of a blessing, but still its worrying.
- My family has been suffering as breast cancer hit someone I love very very dearly.
- I actually got into a fight with a friend, the first in years. While I know she still has growing to do too, it caught me off guard, and hurt. Another learning experience, I know. They all come with some pain.
- I have a grand daughter and sometimes there is drama in her life too. See above under sons.
We ALL have problems. That’s life, right? Here’s what I know though, in all my years of wisdom and self-discovery:
I know its going to be okay.
All of it. Somehow, someway, its all going to work out. Even if the next step is I sit at my curb with all my belongings, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I will be okay. That good will be around the corner. It always is, and especially in the face of disaster.
I know that by constantly worrying, its not going to help. In fact, by doing that, I might even miss some good things that might actually HELP my problems right there in front of me, or even worse push them away or let it go as I am wallowing in my misery.
I know I have to be happy, even if sometimes I might have to fake it. When I realized “faking it” didn’t mean I was being fake, it was another breakthrough.
I have to carry on and keep trying and growing and not let it consume me. I CAN ONLY CONTROL ME. That’s it, and that’s my attitude. It’s why I’m a survivor.
It’s all in my Attitude. Your attitude.
You will ALWAYS have problems, challenges, setbacks and obstacles in life. You choose how you let them affect you and how you react to them. I choose to still believe in life, love, change, growth and good, because I know its power. That’s my attitude. I hope if you are struggling, you try the fake it till you make it technique. Because no one else is going to make it better for you. Only you can. Even if its just fixing how you let it affect you.
Have a great Sunday night. There are some cool shows on tonight!