If you read my latest article “There’s No Coincidence You are Reading This,” and possibly some of the comments that I invited, asking thoughts to learn and grow from- I was hit hard as one of them was a question, that as I said replied to the commenter haunted me even as I put that piece together. I didn’t have the answer then. But I do now.
When I awoke from the bits of sleep I got last night, between throwing clothes on and feeding and preparing my granddaughter for the day, I still did not feel as though I could answer that question, but that I couldn’t stop thinking about it. As I got my babygirl in the car to go home the answer came as bright as the smile on the babygirls face.
But first, a little backstory. My “evil stepsister” (a nickname for us that evolved as of late) and I were on Facebook late into the night, commenting back and forth on her post in our discussionary way. I mentioned the article, because for some odd reason she reads them and it means everything to me. She is brilliant and I feel there are much better things she could be doing with her time, so reading my blog is a high compliment. She said she commented, and before I even looked, I knew what she was going to say.
A lifetime, but not very long ago, her sister was tragedy murdered. It was senseless, shameful act of vengeance and has left an indelible mark in their lives that will never go away completely. In the beginning days, of this tiny life and my purpose in it, I was getting to know her family as we were thrown together by a being that was born in our lives unexpectedly. I had offered her mother those words as comfort, as she shared her story with me, and she replied the same as my evil stepsister had. I had no words then to say, no answers. I was left with a stunned, quiet silence. But just as that moment resonated like every single thing that has ever happened to me does, and as I wrote my paper and I could picture that moment clearly- my wordless response, through my writing, my gibberish hastily written comments written feverishly so as not to lose such valuable souls in my life, I wasn’t able to say the right words either last night, and wondered how worse I was making things. But I look back now and take no word back as the answer finally arrived and it would not have if I didn’t get it written out of my head.
So, I started the car, after strapping baby in tight, I texted her. I posed her with this thought.. on this life question that has been asked and debated, are there coincidences or is there a reason for everything. Does it mean then, that her murder was a coincidence? I didn’t need to hear her answer because no, of course it wasn’t. I then went on to type that it was neither and it does not apply to that question at all.
Her situation was a tragedy. Not a coincidence, nor a reason, only a mark left on beautiful people undeserving. Through that tragedy, through the rubble, those left must rise above. In the scattered ashes left without meaning such as on September 11th, 2001, somewhere someone will make a difference because of that tragedy. Her sister’s life had meaning and purpose. Though rippped wrongly horribly from them and now gone, and starkly missed everyday still, they must live on. They have purpose and meaning, they have lives to affect and change. One being one of the most beautiful fairies I’ve ever seen. Through that tragedy though and others that have permanently scarred them, even if they never find it- they are witnessing it giving a once stranger they call family now give purpose and meaning to herself, and the world that reads her words.
I have this stubborn, brilliant friend and soulmate not in my life right now, who is very academically gifted, so as much so he acheived a PhD, a degree almost wasted in his current state. Through the time we did spend together I have seen and heard him mutter mathmatical and theoretical jibberish constantly, not being able to put into words the millions of thoughts going around in his head. When I finally found the key that has unlocked the part of me I knew was here but could not grasp, I now can parellel that feeling. These days there are so many thoughts going around in my head that when I speak to people I’m muttering jibberish. I hardly take time to bathe and clean, run out of my home only taking a second to run a comb through my hair and care not to waste precious learning/writing time to apply makeup. I have evolved. When I put it to paper, my beauty inside forms into the way I want it, and that’s my appearance now, and I’m beautiful still. I have a long road ahead until I can marry the old me with the new and find balance, and know that is when I will write the first book. For now, I ask my readers to bear with me through my jibberish, but yet to always please challenge me with thoughts, and know that they contribute, good and bad, to my purpose and that by doing that, they are also closer to theirs.
Happy Saturday and love and encouragement