I never had or felt a more surprisingly crazy laugh than the one had tonight. What was more insane was who I had that huge laugh with and why we were even laughing. It was big moment today and in a uncontrollable day with so much more going on than I think can handle alone, this was the moment that got me through it. Though I didn’t know why until I wrote this I still laugh thinking about the hysterical laughter we had and how odd it all was and is.
Though I feel success so close at hand these days there are just things in my life that I cannot control though it pains me. Sometimes I’m really challenged to keep it together and I get so perplexed and frustrated. Helpless to those closest around me who cannot see the damage they cause or what they stand to lose with bad decisions. Its enough that you could lose your mind if not holding tight to it through it all, when trying to remain calm as well.
I had to work late tonight to finish time sensitive work I missed due to the hours I took earlier today to babysit at the temple for their holidays. Pastor/boss was also there late trying to finish before the biggest Rummage Sale ever. It was a long time before his door opened and a couple hours before we talked. I didn’t feel like working right away either, already having to tackle so much the last few days so I opted to do the last pre-rummage sale shopping I could and wind down. I then got a call I was needed again tonight so I settled into work quick and Pastor/boss eventually left his office and walked into mine to talk. Hardly able to focus at this point I didn’t notice he was a bit red-faced looking staggered and really worn out. But he looked right at me and when he saw that I suppose I was as completely wiped and worn looking as he was, he laughed and said that he thought we probably both had the exact same kind of day.
That was such a nice thing to hear. It was the only and exact thing I could of heard that would have been the exact right thing to say. He was right too, thinking back. They were exactly as bad and extremely taxing on our trying hearts – just in different ways.
He delved right in, but right to the point and said he had such a bad day. Unlike almost every normal day there today when I’m gone all hell breaks loose. All these people calling and wanting to talk about their lives, and he not good at saying, “I gotta go” (oh the confrontation block I hope to unlock one day). 😉 As his day persisted on it grew worse and worse, people rang the bell constantly and he was back and forth at the door. I laugh now even still thinking about it, I bet it was completely insane with the Rummage Sale tomorrow. All he wanted to do was finish the sermon so he could help at that sale tomorrow and Saturday. Pastors have to do those things you know, like make their appearances at these extremely crucial events to keep this church alive, and It helps to have the hard tasks done. Just a heads’ up I discovered after being a Pastor’s Assistant for 4 years almost now – after at least 25+ years of inspiring sermons they don’t always come easy. As he started to unload to me the giggles began erupting unconsciously imagining his frantic day and by the time he finished telling me about it I just laughed and laughed at him. That’s all I could do being that worn out, but it was exactly enough and he brightened up and laughed with me too.
Then I unloaded the unfairness that has fallen on me, and Pastor/boss listened completely understanding and serious as to the situation I feel so powerless in. After I was finished with my rant, Pastor tried (though feeling as hopeless as I felt), looking for something to brighten me up by asking what my shirt said Well I looked down at it and realized I had no clue. I told him that and that I’d just snagged it from the rummage sale this week and threw it on having no time to even wash clothes. Well he just about doubled over laughing. It was a completely amazing enlightening moment. I cannot tell you how much power I felt, watching him laugh so hard at me. I joined in laughing too and we stood there laughing at each other almost as if we were completely crazy. (I am wondering now if that’s a method he used taught in seminary, or his instinct? “If nothing else in a moment of hopelessness, ask anything about the clothing they are wearing” from the guideline for counsel to hopeless situations #501 or something like that. Heh, heh, I must ask him about that someday).
But we’re not anywhere close to crazy and that was the point I realized later. We get it, on the right side of things, and we were both being hit with such uncontrollable craziness, it was maddening. But in trying to do good despite it all we could do is laugh and it was so ironic and so refreshing. During that laugh, I started seeing sunny skies, better days ahead, that this is a moment in time. There is all kinds of crap that happens, and when you cannot do anything else just laughing can do so much.
There was a time when one or both of us used to react to that same uncontrolled crazy with anger and helpless frustration so it was also a huge step for both of us both as individuals and a team. I almost want to believe that my inspiration is rubbing off on him. My “grin and bear it” attitude is getting to him, HA HA, lol, and it helps him not to stress so much. It was really mind-blowing to see that and that was really the odd part of it all, odd in a really good way.
I’m sure too it was just what I needed to get me through the night and next day, as I gather strength from the stars, enjoy my extra time with my grand baby, breathe, and laugh.
I hope wherever you are, you are where you need to be.