(Originally Posted 8-14-2014)
Hi. How’s your day going so far? Having a good day, or a bad one? Mine is kinda in the middle. I RAN TODAY, so that was really good. The Chicago Marathon is 2 months away and if I keep on how I’m going now, I might do alright. Its going to be THE test of my life though, getting there and doing it again, because I COMPLETELY lost focus in the last 8 months. I was much further ahead in my mileage last year at this time. I was actually almost a completely different person last year at this time.
So, if I didn’t already say why my focus has been gone, I was involved with someone for the last year and a half that -slowly- but -totally- consumed me. I lost me and my goals and my dreams- they were all wrapped up in promises that were ultimately unkept.
It’s so hard when you love someone.. to walk away, to be left “all alone.” Many of us stay in really unhealthy relationships rather than do that. Walking away this time was probably the hardest thing I ever did, because we were so codependent for so long. He strategically placed and intertwined himself in my world- we texted or messaged daily for much over a year. Always his initiation, at least for most of it. Hard to go back to your own life when it was so invaded so often with someone else’s. You depended on them. It was hard to recognize myself for a while. Before the drama began, I had grown myself so much during the time I knew this person.. it almost seemed as if he was a part of that. I had to separate that too. It was hard.
While I still have a lot to learn with relationships, I know about loving myself, and my worth, and when finally faced with a situation where even I couldn’t deny I was more than worthy of him, and he wasn’t being true to that, I was finally able to let go. You know, its hard to let go of someone you love, but its easier when there’s someone else you love more… that person being you, and in my case, me.
If you are feeling that way, in the face of finally shutting the door, I hope you get the courage to slam it shut.. and you-do-you baby… and don’t look back. At least, I’m gonna do me, and that’s the only advice I can give I think is worthy of this self.
Have a great evening.. its still summer.