(Originally published 10-25-14. A timeless lesson we all need to remember now and again!)
Expectations. Boy was wrong I was about you.What if I told you the secret to true happiness was always there, inside you? The corny line that Dorothy was told to by Glinda in OZ….when she got the ruby shoes, lol. Really. What if I said to you that no amount of money, education or huge career will uncover the true happiness and life success that you know you are missing because you are still not happy?
You still have conflicts and anger. You aren’t at peace, you are surrounded by negative people and situations. You aren’t living anywhere near your best life. Things that are buried under a lifetime of thoughts that shaped you– thoughts gone-wayyy-wrong. To finally be the you that you always wanted to be– you will have to at some point deal and fix the preconceptions, mislearned and misunderstood things that we each individually grew up thinking about, processing, acting on and reacting too. Those very things altered our path over and over- sent us down an entirely different road than we ever imagined for ourselves, and put us in a place we never saw ourselves being in as adults. Those very things eventually robbed us of a life of true happiness and the feelings of self-worth, love and confidence.
Today, on the life-changing/bettering quest: (I am serious, but really, lol, doesn’t life feel like a crazy soap sometimes?) I’m addressing one of those very deep misconceptions… expectations. It is a HUGE one, because it contradicts everything we were taught starting as a newborn– expecting to get fed and clothed and yelling and crying if we didn’t get what we wanted right then. Yes, they screwed us up lol from the beginning, but the good news is that it is fixable — and its such a freeing feeling– having no expectations. Its powerful beyond words. So, the other day I was on Facebook and a 14 yr old girl from one of the Sunday School classes I taught several years ago posted this pic along with the words “Now that is love.”
Expectations.Expectations.Expectations. My head went right back to me at her age– oh the pain, the angst of those days. Boys. <deepsigh>. Poor little Laura– I was so lost… I’d give her such a big hug today, and tell her its gonna be better than you can imagine cutie, don’t worry. But anyways… oh- the naivety, oh, the innocence– all being shaped by tv and movies and social media and its more-often-than-not less than realistic view of us. Then I thought man is she gonna be let down. So I was compelled to comment on this pic. I told her “in reality, things like this don’t happen.” I explained that this bouquet would probably cost over a thousand dollars, all to die in a few days. Now what normal man would do that, unless of course he was very wealthy? In my opinion, this is probably someone delivering these to either a movie set , or maybe for a corporate banquet… whatever. But the point to me, and that I made to her, is about expectations. I told her try not to have any expectations of others and that’s how you keep from feeling hurt. I then commented to her “well, you are very pretty.. lots of boys will distract you. Then you grow up and have nothing for yourself.” I concluded our FB comment conversation with “It is a lot easier not to have any expectations of people when you are busy doing you. Get your focus on who you want to be in life and stay on it.” I was glad to have the opportunity to share something I wish I knew as a young teen.
I believe it takes a village to raise a child.. and it is my duty to educate any child in my path who might be misinformed…but I’m saving that for another post, so stayed tuned for it! LOL.
Expectations.Expectations.Expectations. How can we not have them, when society sets us up like this? Movies, TV, — we all know it doesn’t happen like that, but we still eat up the romances, relationship dynamics, etc — and not just in romance, but in ALL RELATIONSHIPS with people. Our friends, co-workers, bosses. We have a template in our head saying this is how it should be. We are pre-conditioned to receive back certain things when we give out, and 100% of the time, when that doesn’t happen, we are hurt, confused, and upset. We get mad at that person or end a friendship. I always heard that phrase “don’t have any expectations” but I never really understood it until I did the work on myself that I needed to. I found in many different articles on being happy, etc., that having no expectations is a key trait of a happy person. I get it now. It really is all in your mind. It can be done, and without compromising a single value. Its just letting go of control. So imagine any situation you’ve been in recently with a friend that ended in a fight. Now imagine yourself not having any expectations of that person– does that fight never happen? Or maybe that person had expectations from you that you failed them at. Is that your fault? Nope. People have lives, families, they get depressed, upset, angry. They make mistakes and do dumb things. Its all about how we let them affect us. Having no expectations of them only leads to one result: no pain from their actions. HA! Waddayaknow?
You let go of so many things that added stress, pain, conflict and guilt … when you let go of expectations of others.
Its not easy, but remember we have a lifetime of conditioning to erase, in many facets of our life. As you lose your expectations, you will find yourself reacting differently to different situations. It may be harder to do that with family, or a love in your life– in fact those are the hardest areas. You will catch yourself doing it again… but you will learn from it, and you will make the change. You can see the freedom doing it gives you, and your mind is ready for change. For happiness, for peace of mind. So practice NO EXPECTATIONS in your life today and see what happens. I’d love to hear about it and how it goes for you. Love and encouragement, and HAPPY FRIDAY!